May 25, 2018

One Dark and Stormy Night

Listen up everyone. Let me tell you a story about a friend of mine that died and what happened between him and this snake, (One Dark and Stormy Night).

John Thorson was driving back home from a party at his brother’s house where the liquor flowed like the rain that had just been hitting old Thorson's windshield.

Anyway, somewhere down around Possum Holler John's wife asked him, “Did you see that big old snake laying in the road just back yonder?”

It seems my friend didn't so he stopped and started walking back up the road with a golf club and flashlight in his hands.

Well sure fire if Thorson's wife wasn’t right and there all curled up in the middle of the road was a twelve foot timber back rattlesnake.

The snakes head was lying up on top of his rain soaked coils and those two snake eyes seemed to be drilling a hole into John's brain.

Will it was either the snake eyes or all those jelly jar drinking glass full of his brothers Mike Thorson’s 190 Proof corn liquor he had just brewed up for their other brothers birthday party. Yep that was one hell of a party. There was dancing and fiddling and some of the best Bar-B-Cue I’d suck my teeth into in a long time. Mary Henderson was looking sweeter than a tree frog on a moonlit night. You know the frogs you used for catfishing down in the Hollers.

Heck there I went and all most got off the story. Ok back to it. I'll try and not wander off too much.

Thorson looked at them snake eyes all glowing in the moonlight like two tiny lumps of burning coal. Yes the moon had just peeked out from behind them there storm clouds.

John's wife said, “That is when the strangest thing happened.”

There her old man stood over the top of that snake, feet apart, shoulders back, and head down.

In the moonlight she saw him start back on what was probably the best back swing he had ever done. In seconds with both hands locked on that golf club and his eyes glued to that there Timber backs head, he swung.

His wife said, “Officer it happened so quick from that time on I didn't even have time to blink.”

That old snake must have watched them playing golf because just as that club got to his head he pulled it down inside his coils.

I know by now you're all guessing what happened. You’re all thinking that old snake popped his head out and sunk its three inch fangs into John's leg.

You-all would have been right but life just doesn’t work that way.

Okay, okay you-all are asking if that didn’t happen, then what did.

I can tell you this. You didn't guessed any part of what happened next. Okay I'll get back to the story and tell you. John Thorson missed. From the way his wife told it to me, “He never had a chance”.

Heck, John being the golfer he was, he kept right on swinging. With a follow through the likes no one in the valley has ever seen him do.

There the two of them stood. He in that stand you see on top of them cheap trophies they give the kids out at the local club. There that rattlesnake was, still peeking up from inside his coils.

You’re asking yourself right about now, if the snake didn't bite him, where is this all going? 

Heck give me some time to catch my breath and I’ll tell you. 

Okay, where was I. Oh that’s right.

Anyway John’s wife was standing there looking at them two fools. The snake and her old man in the middle of a highway still looking at each other, when the biggest bolt of lightning she had ever seen hit the end of John’s golf club.

That bolt of lightning was so big it melted the asphalt around John and that snake for ten feet coving them both from head to toe with asphalt.

Okay I know some of you all are asking, how come the wife was not hit by the lighting also? Remember John had to walk back up the road to get to the snake. The wife told me she didn't want to get that close to any old snake and she stayed by the car, about a good city block away.

When I drove by the next morning to see for myself the highway crew was still trying to chip the two of them out of the asphalt.

The wife said she had a change of heart. She was going to bury those two fools together, but now she thinks she'll just stand them up by his old 54 Ford truck that was still up on concrete blocks out there in the front yard as a memorial.

I need to get this written and posted before the widow Mrs. Thorson has another change of heart and stops inviting me over for supper every night.


Snaggle Tooth said...

Now that's a bizarre outcome!

Why do some guys always have to try to kill the snake?

Toi Thomas said...

I love quirky stories like this where the narrator talks to the reader; it doesn't always work, but it works here. Very entertaining.

Elephant's Child said...

Oh what fun. I respect snakes. To the max. Like the soon to be widowed wife I would have been safe.

Denise Covey said...

A good conversational tone, Ellis, although it wasn't clear from the start who the narrator was. A fun yarn for sure. Hard liquor and snakes. A winning combination in that neck of the woods by the sounds of it.

Thank you for participating in the WEP challenge. Will be a bit of a challenge to get around everyone this time~


Yolanda Renée said...

Reminds me of the time my father killed an 6 foot black snake, poor snake made the mistake of climbing up the dinner room window while Dad was eating. A shovel and minutes later the snake was lying on the road minus his head. If only they knew the fear they caused in most of us they could take over the world! :) Great entry!

Pat Garcia said...

I am laughing. Really laughing. What a humourous story.
Well done my dear.
Shalom aleichem,
Pat G

Hilary Melton-Butcher said...

Hi Ellis - I was imagining what could happen to the snake or where the club head was going to take John ... but his wife certainly kept a good distance ... the snake could reach higher I'm sure ... and strike before the golf club came down ... then John would be in a for a deadly strike. Fun read though ... cheers Hilary

Laura Clipson said...

I would have left it alone if it were me! Great story, thanks for sharing :)

Nilanjana Bose said...

Great read! I liked the chatty tone and the humour.

On a different note, why did Thorson take so much trouble - stop, get out, walk back with torch in rain - to kill a snake which had left him and his wife strictly alone? I'm no fan of snakes, plenty scared of them, but most don't attack unless provoked. Wish we humans knew enough to leave animals alone.

Diane Burton said...

Love your voice. Perfect for this story. Lots of humor. Excellent story-telling.

Shannon Lawrence said...

Ah, mortal enemies forever together. Fun tone and voice!

Olga Godim said...

Bizarre and utterly unexpected. I kept waiting for one of them to be a villain, but a lightning? Your imagination must've been running full tilt for such a preposterous outcome.

Pat Hatt said...

haha now stuck together forever while the Mrs. entertains others. Gotta watch that lightning.

Snaggle Tooth said...

Good lawn statuary are difficult to find cheap these days...

Elizabeth said...

Excellent storytelling! It makes me think of some of the old west tall tales I heard from my youth pastor on long church trips.

Christopher Scott said...

An unexpectedly quick tale.

Deborah Drucker said...

That was a very patient rattlesnake. This story reminds me of a tall tale and probably became a legend around that there hollow.

D.G. Hudson said...

A snake story will hook us every time. Well done. My uncle killed a snake in the middle of the road too, when we visited as kids one time. He was Sheriff in the county he lived in and carried a shotgun in his truck. He shot the snake then and there while we watched. Exciting for kids, and no one seemed to feel any sympathy for the snake. . .
A worthy entry which I liked, and the style suits it perfectly.

L.G. Keltner said...

Wow, this is one captivating story! I love the tone of it, and it felt like someone I know was really relaying this tale to me. I also love the unexpected nature of the outcome. Nicely done.

Deniz Bevan said...

Ha ha! Oh that was a fun yarn to read! I like the idea of the two of them being immortalised as statues.

Michelle Wallace said...

Thank you for an entertaining story!
I could almost "hear" the narrator's deep-throated tone (I'm thinking, sort of similar to Morgan Freeman/James Earl Jones) and the narrator's hearty chuckling in between my laughter!
The perfect story-telling style for this quirky tale.

Nick Wilford said...

I loved the down-home style of storytelling and has the feel of an urban legend. It was the snake I felt sorry for!

Roland Clarke said...

Oh I love the voice and that ending - well all the endings. Why did I think Aesop? The golfer and the snake? Deeply amusing, for sure. lol

J Lenni Dorner said...

I really want someone to "beatbox" and rap this. Love the rhythm, love the flow. Great imagery, too. Really fun use of the prompt!

Operation Awesome said...

What a funny story! But I can't help feeling sorry for the poor snake...

Jemima Pett said...

Hahaha I love it - especially as I've been playing golf with thunderstorms nearby (but no lightning. No snakes, either :)
Lovely voice - very evocative.

desk49 said...

That is one of those questions I don't think anyone knows the answers to.

Toi Thomas:
Thanks you for reading and thanks that it worked for you.

Elephant Child:
I to give snakes a wide berth.

Denise Covey:
Let (me) tell you a story about a (friend of mine)
that died and what happened between him and this snake.

Yolanda Renée:
Thanks for dropping by.
Hope you're feeling great and my prayers are with you.

Pat Garcia:
And a supper thanks to you.

Hilary Melton-Butcher:
Then with three good bits from
The snake John would have three
Strikes and be out. LOL

Laura Clipson:
Someone might have had too much
190 proof. Thanks for dropping bye.

Nilanjana Bose:
Why do anyone do anything they do?
I guess to make a better story. Thanks again

Diane Burton:
What can I say THANKS.

Shannon Lawrence:
Thanks I had to get his Ford Truck in the story.

Olga Godim:
Preposterous outcome. LOL I just
Go where the old brain tells me to.

Pat Hatt:
If the widow lets me I’m thinking about
Moving them to the Garden Outback
to scare away the crows.

Snaggle Tooth
Welcome back again. Just hopping no air holes to
Let the flies in

It seems he too had a preposterous way of thinking also.

Christopher Scott:
Unexpectedly quick tale. I’m thinking about that.

Deborah Drucker:
Poor snake I had to have it stay there for the story.

D.G. Hudson:
Yes but I could of had it bit John once.

L.G. Keltner:
Wow now you’re having me won’t to pat myself on the back.
Thanks a whole lot little tree frog.
I said (little tree frog) in a supper nice way. :)

Deniz Bevan:
I glad you had fun reading it, but
I'm still thinking of using them as
a scarecrow in the garden.

Michelle Wallace:
A deep voice I could see that.
Thank You to, for having
so much fun reading this.

Nick Wilford:
Will Thank you. Yes the snake got the worst end

Roland Clarke:
I went looking but did not find a story about
the golfer and the snake. I did find story’s about
Aesop and other things.

J Lenni Dorner:
I did add the prompt in at the last
I didn't want the widow to stop cooking for me. LOL

Operation Awesome:
What about me. Have you eaten the widows cooking?

Jemima Pett:
You watch out for them bolts of lighting Them there things can hurt.

DirectLinda said...

Great style.